


Space Wars

by lanalucy, Singerdiva01, walbergr



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Cheesy, Community: bsg_epics, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Ensemble Cast, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Making Out, Negotiations, Round Robin, Stranded, Wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 13:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2622782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanalucy/pseuds/lanalucy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Singerdiva01/pseuds/Singerdiva01, https://archiveofourown.org/users/walbergr/pseuds/walbergr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drop first lines in as prompts, and build a story from there, round robin style.</p><p>These haven't been completely finished yet, but they're funny anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chamalla Overdose

She knew they were planning to trick her.

Her staff had been acting strangely all week, sneaking surreptitious glances at her, ending conversations when she walked into the room, and smiling far too much for a group of overworked survivors of a holocaust.

Even Billy, her most stalwart companion and champion, had been hard to find more than once this week.

She'd found him on Galactica twice in the middle of the day, not with Dee but with Kara Thrace. That was enough to make her not only curious but nervous.

The last time, Kara had winked at him, then he'd hugged her. Kara had shoved him off, pointing the way to the right corridor, but she'd still been smiling. What the frak was going on?

Usually she'd ask Bill if he knew why his Top Gun had her sights set on her sweet, socially awkward aide. Or, at the very least, joke about her staff's strange behavior over drinks in his quarters. But he, too, was acting strangely. He'd avoided her outside of meetings and even stopped calling with non-urgent items at night for an excuse to talk.

Her only consolation was that her Military Advisor, Captain Apollo, was being as attentive as ever, though he did have an odd gleam in those bright blue eyes. Maybe she'd ask him. Leave out the part about Kara and Billy, though. Poor Billy didn't stand a chance if Lee thought he was making a move on his not-so-secret love.

She paused in her musings to imagine telling him to forget Kara and take a real woman. Or, don't forget Kara. She could play too. So could his father for that matter...

Laura shook her head. Way too much chamalla today, evidently. If she didn't know any better she might wonder if Billy was drugging her. Hmm. That was a disturbing thought.

She looked up at the rustle of the curtain and her eyes lit up at the sight of her dashing young Captain. 

"I brought you some tea, Madame President."

"Mmmmmm." Gods, that sounded practically pornographic. She needed to erase those images from her mind. For now. But Captain Apollo and Kara Thrace **did** look pretty together, especially all decked out on Colonial Day. Mmmm, indeed.

Laura blinked and forced herself back to the present and the mug the younger Adama was offering. 

She smiled gratefully and brought it to her lips. It smelled like plain tea and one sip told the same story. She'd just let her body relax and was about to invite her Captain to take a seat when Billy and Kara appeared behind him as if out of nowhere.

Kara walked up behind Captain Apollo and started unbuttoning his jacket from behind. Billy stood watching, fidgeting, as if he wanted to tell her how to do it right. Kara handed off the jacket and Billy folded it neatly over his arm.

Laura held the cup out in front of her suspiciously. Had to be laced. Or maybe she was hallucinating. But if she was....damn. He should never wear a uniform again. She'd make it a Presidential Decree.

She counted. A six pack actually equaled twelve fine rivets in his toned stomach. Kara had moved on to exploring each and every ridge with her hungry tongue. 

Laura looked over at Billy, her stalwart guide to reason. He looked like a deer caught in headlights and she sighed in relief. Something that needed to be addressed but not a failure of her mind, she decided. 

Billy moved to her side and began stroking her hair. She arched her neck to look up at him and reassure him she was okay, if a bit disconcerted, when his lips latched onto her pulse point. Groggy, she leaned her head back to allow him better access.

Then leaned forward again almost immediately. When she leaned back, she couldn't see those hip dents any more, and frankly, they were a work of art. Museum quality. She licked her lips in appreciation, and tasted something bitter.

"Ma'am?" Billy's hands were sliding down the front of her blouse. "Madame President?"

"Madame President? Don't you think that's a bit formal for the situation, Billy?"

He groaned something that might have been her actual name before making quick work of the buttons of her blouse. He divested her of her bra in quick order but stopped to stare, a frightened look on his face. 

She should have stopped, Gods she needed to stop, but she didn't. She pulled his mouth down to her right breast and pushed his neck until he was doing exactly what she wanted. 

But it wasn't, not really. Not at all. She looked across the room at Kara using her tongue and her hands to make Lee moan and she cried out in desperation.

She pushed Billy away. "Captain Apollo!" Lee looked up guiltily, and Kara turned around. Laura was struck by the red wetness of Kara's lips. "Come here." Kara dug her fingers into Lee's hips to hold him still, and she added, "Both of you."

She waved them over. “If you’re going to do that, at least come over here where I can see you better. And Billy, make sure we won’t be disturbed, please.”

“Of course, Madame President.” He made the little neck dip which was his signature, and backed through the curtain. 

She wondered if that bow had started because of the difference in their heights, then shoved the thought away. Half naked Lee was much more important at the moment. She turned her chair and pointed imperiously with her finger. Lee and Kara walked over until they were only several feet away, and she said, “Continue.”

Kara got right to it. Laura slouched in her chair, a hand absently fondling her right breast, content for the moment to watch. She was too tired to get down on the floor on her knees with Kara Thrace.

Captain Apollo had his hands buried in Kara Thrace’s hair, his fingers pushing the ponytail elastic out and down, and it bounced once on the floor, then lay there. Laura stared at it, and it seemed to shimmer, then slither closer to Kara’s leg. Kara was paying no attention to it, instead holding onto Lee’s ass with her hands, her teeth pulling at the button of his slacks.

Where the frak had Billy gone? Was that snake winding its way up Kara’s leg? The glimmer disappeared up Kara’s pants leg, and Kara squirmed. “Mmmmm.”

Talk about sounding pornographic. Kara ever wanted to quit flying, she could make a fortune as a phone sex operator. Would that come under the purview of the President’s office?


	2. Keep Calm and...Do a Perimeter Check

“Everyone just calm down, and we’ll figure this mess out together.”

She immediately regretted speaking when the other pilots simultaneously stopped their frantic search for an escape to glare at her.

"What? I know I'm not Starbuck. You'd rather have her?" She raised her voice, "Shut the frak up, nuggets! You - check the perimeter. You - you've got comm experience, right?" She grabbed the two who were left and shoved them toward the pile of supply packs. "Figure out what we've got."

The surprise of being the most senior officer on the ground struck Kat with no lack of irony, but it didn't stop her from acting.

She just had to keep asking herself, "What would Starbuck do?" That'd get her through most anything.

Starbuck would think her way out of a situation. Well, try, and then resort to firepower if it took too long. She watched the nuggets scrambling around and tried to will the annoyance out of her voice. "Report!"

"SitRep!" she repeated, and they came to attention. Sort of. She could get used to that.

"Uh, Kat?"

"What, nugget?"

"We've got no lights. When the generator goes, we'll be completely in the dark."

"Gods. Do I have to tell you everything? If we need lights, we'll use our helmets. Sparingly."

There were few rooms here, and their perimeter check didn’t take long. The front door, or what she’d designated the front door, was barred, and the nuggets hadn’t found another exterior door on their search. Comms were down, though she was pretty certain if a Raptor came close enough, she could raise it on her helmet comm. But that would mean she had to be wearing it at the time.

“You. Comms.”

The nugget turned around. “Spurt, sir.”

“Spurt? What the frak kind of call sign is that? Never mind. I have an idea.”

The nugget looked eager for someone else to do the thinking for him.

“Been able to triage the comms?”

“Sir, they’re nonfunctional. Even backup power is drained.”

“We’re going to use our helmets, then.” She turned to the group. “One person on each watch will remain in full gear, including helmet. Our helmet comms will connect to a Raptor if one gets close enough, but we have to be listening. First watch - Spurt, you’re it. And Chopper, you’re on perimeter watch. Stick together at all times. Everyone else, let’s just settle down for the night. We all need a couple of hours. Prancer and Farmboy, you’re up next. I’ll take the comms dog watch. We’ll wake up whoever’s next.” She looked around. “Did you find the power room on your check?”

“Sir. We’re not sure it’s everything, but there is a room looks like could have a power relay.”

“Good. Take someone with you and power this place down. We don’t want the cylons seeing the power signature and coming to investigate. We’ll turn it on again when it gets light.”

“Sir.”

Okay. Things were looking up. “Everybody, unless you’re on watch, remain in this room. Comms and perimeter check, remember to stick together. Bed down, everyone.”

Everybody found a corner or a wall and hunkered down, several of them leaning together for comfort or warmth. Kat found a spot where she could still see everyone in the room and pulled her feet in. A few deep breaths and she was asleep. She’d learned that from Kara Thrace and the cylons. Sleep when you could, because another chance might be days away.


	3. Spice Spice Baby

Forty years of service, the only winning record in the Colonial Fleet against the Cylons, and his command was being threatened by the pumpkin spice craze. 

Even Kara had gotten into it. Who knew she liked pie? And Chief. The stuff he'd made infusing the spice into his hooch? He couldn't make it fast enough. He hardly had time to fix planes anymore.

The genesis of the epidemic was still under investigation. He wasn't entirely kidding when he told Saul that for the havoc it had wreaked, it might be the Cylons' most dangerous sabotage yet.

If they'd only known they hadn't had to kill everybody, just make them eat spice.

Or drink it. 

The perpetrators had yet to be uncloaked, but Lee, his own flesh and blood, was responsible for one of the worst cases of pumpkin spice fever. He'd discovered it tasted good in coffee and, predictably, skipped off to the president with his creation to get his pat on the head.

He'd come back with a suspiciously wide smile on his face, his jacket buttoned wrong. Only minutes later, Bill'd gotten a call from Laura, demanding her share of the spice. She hadn't taken kindly to his firm refusal.

He wondered if he should focus his efforts not on finding out where the spice came from but rather on how to make more. He had to put a file in front of him at the mere thought of the reward Laura would give him. He chastised himself internally for even thinking of replicating an enemy rather than destroying it.

But damn. The mere thought of what she'd be willing to give him...

The question crossed his mind which Raptor pilot had waylaid his son, thereby immediately derailing that rather enjoyable President and Commander fantasy.

He found Lee with Helo, one of his most loyal, honest officers -- except that whole bringing home a copy of the Cylon who shot him -- and was pleased to see Lee was talking to someone reasonable, someone who wouldn't be lured in by the spice. 

The two men didn't notice him and continued their conversation. 

"Captain, you gotta help me get my hands on some. It's a matter of life and death."

"Now, Helo, isn't that being a bit dramatic?"

"Three words. Pregnant. Cylon. Cravings."

"Frak. Better than pregnant Starbuck cravings, at least."

Helo looked at Lee strangely. Bill wondered about that comment himself. Was there something behind that?

"What? Can't you just imagine?"

Helo shuddered. "Thanks for that image, Captain. Now, spice. How do I get some?"

Bill forced his mind away from the disturbing idea of a miniature mixture of Kara and Lee to focus on the important part of the conversation. 

"The spice is limited but a shipment is arriving tonight. What are you willing to do for it, Helo? I must remind you your oath as an officer might be in question."

Helo paused for only a moment before responding. 

"Anything, Apollo. You have no frakking clue what she's like. I'll go up against Zeus himself rather than having to go back empty handed."

The tone in Helo's voice left very little doubt what "anything" entailed. That was even more disturbing than the idea of Lee and Kara procreating. He spared a moment for the whimsical notion of the President ordering them to get out of here and start having babies, then shoved it away, asking himself if any world anywhere was ready for Starbuck as a mother.

Finally, he put a stop to that whole train of thought by stepping forward. "Captain. A word." He had to admit he was pleased by the way they both jumped. Clearly, he still had it.

“Sir.”

“Captain. The President has demanded a share of the spice. She feels she of all people should be provided with a sufficient quantity for her daily needs.” She’d said no such thing. Well, not exactly. But his mind was still on what she’d give him for it.

Lee’s face hardened. “The President and I have already agreed to terms, sir. She’ll get a cut of what’s coming in tonight. I’m supposed to take it over in the morning.”

“Hmm.” Bill didn’t know what else to say about that, so he shifted gears. “Who was your Raptor pilot on your trip back, Lee?”

Lee’s brow wrinkled. “Huh? Oh, from Colonial One? Kara took me over and brought me back.”

Hell. Now he couldn’t escape the image of Lee and Kara…doing things. Things that required the removal of Lee’s dress uniform jacket. Put a whole different spin on - No! “Fine. That’s fine.”

“Sir?”

“What?” What the frak had they been talking about? Oh, right, Raptor trip to Colonial One. “I’m glad Kara was willing to fly something other than her precious bird.”

Lee grinned. “She’s willing to get out of her comfort zone, when there’s something in it for her.”

“I don’t want to know what’s in it for her, do I?’

The smile vanished. Answer enough. “Carry on, son.” Dammit. Now he’d have to find some other way to be rewarded.


End file.
